Thursday, 26 May 2016

[Steven Universe] The French Conspiracy

Steven Universe is a popular television show premiering on Cartoon Network in America... or at least it was! The last three episodes of the show premiered not in the heroic land of the free, but instead in France. This caused the fan base to fall into chaos, triggering many fans. Why would the show creators risk the lives of their fans in such a way? Was it simply an international scheduling issues, or were more sinister forces at work? The answer is, of course, that more sinister forces were at work.

Long term fans of the show have long known of the French influence on Steven Universe, and realise that this latest move is just the latest in a calculating plan set out by the show's creator, Rebecca Sugar. But what is the endgame of this master plan?

 The show is rife with French imagery and themes. Most obviously, the Crystal Gems are the colour of the French flag once colour shifted to escape US censors: red (Garnet), blue (Amethyst) and white (Pearl). In this way, the viewer is constantly exposed to the French flag, and taught to correlate their heroic figures with France. Even Steven's main colours are that of the French flag - blue (his shorts), red (his t-shirt) and white (his eyes and teeth).

Popular characters like Onion continue this - Onion's head is of course shaped like an onion, a classic French delicacy. Beach City is built around traditional French foods such as FRENCH fries (or frites), fish, donuts and pizza. The Crystal Gems are also beautiful, like all French people. The UK, which is an ancient enemy of France, is often forced to censor the show.

So the French influence is strong. But aside from the impact on the minds of American children, why is this such an issue, and why would Cartoon Network premiere the show in France? What possible reason could there be? There is a far more darker influence that show creator Rebecca Sugar (or Rebecca Sucre as she is known in France) has placed in there for the unwary.

The hero of the show is Steven Universe himself. Steven is a shown to be especially small for his age, but charismatic and a leader. He seems a laudable character... until you realise that a similar person from history is Napoleon!

Napoleon was considered the most evil man of his age. He was a short military leader who was charismatic and tried to conquer the world. Rebecca Sugar constantly ties the character of Steven to the villainous Napoleon, conditioning the audience into seeing Napoleon as a hero.

For example, Napoleon was exiled to the island of Elba. He escaped the island, and the French government sent the army to stop him. Napoleon stood in front of the army and using his charisma, turned them to his side. He then led the same army sent to stop him to invade Paris and declare himself emperor!

Does this sound familiar? It should! In the Steven Universe episode 'Super Watermelon Island' this story is played out beat for beat. Set on Mask Island (Elba), Steven Universe (Napoleon) convinces the living watermelon people (the French army) to turn on their peaceful god Malachite (the democratically elected government of France) and destroy her, no matter the cost to their own lives!

Another example is seen in the episode 'It Could Have Been Great'. Here, we see a map of the world, a world similar to ours but with one major difference - the centre of Russia is missing, replaced by a massive crater. Could the nuking of Russia in Steven Universe be Rebecca Sugar's revenge for Napoleon's failed 1812 march on Moscow? It seems likely.

So Steven Universe features imagery to make the audience love the French and Napoleon in particular? But there is one more chapter to this chilling tale.

In the episode 'It Could Have Been Great', Peridot (who is the most popular character and thus an authorial mouthpiece, giving us insight into the mind of Rebecca Sugar) suddenly gives a long speech about the benefits of colonisation. Why does Rebecca Sugar want us to think this is so great?

The answer is in the reason why episodes are now premiered in France. By this point, fans of the show are conditioned to love the French, love Napoleon and think colonisation is great. By making episodes available in France first, fans will feel themselves compelled to move to France and become French citizens in order to continue enjoying Steven Universe.

Is Rebecca Sugar a shadowy agent of the French government, determined to stop the 'brain drain' of academics and geniuses moving to get jobs in America by luring them back to France with the promise of cartoons? Or has she used the profits from the show to buy up large French housing developments? All we know for sure is that the sweet spell of Steven Universe is being woven to lure the youth of America not to study, but to France!

Monday, 23 May 2016

[Steven Universe] The Secret Hair Code

Steven Universe is a clever show which the creators have said should be overanalysed, proving the existence of many mysteries within. One of these mysteries recently revealed itself with the latest episode 'Same Old World'. Some fans were left reeling, feeling betrayed and attacked and triggered by the sight of Peridot's enormous hair. Other, wiser fans knew that the show staff would not endanger fans in such a way, and that this was in fact the final key to the secrets of Steven Universe.

Friday, 20 May 2016

[Game of Thrones] Jon Snow is possessed by the ghost of Stannis

Game of Thrones fans around the world celebrated when Jon Snow was unexpectedly brought back to life in season 6 of Game of Thrones (spoilers). But what if he wasn't? Can we be sure that the man walking about in Jon Snow's body is actually Jon Snow? There is actually far more evidence to suggest that it is actually the ghost of Stannis possessing his body!

Thursday, 12 May 2016

[Game of Thrones] Hodor

Hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor? Hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor? Hodor. Hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor!

Hodor hodor hodor hodor?

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

[Doctor Who] What is in the Doctor's Confession Dial?

Steven Moffat is literally the cleverest man alive. However as evidenced by the internet he is also literally Satan. So what has our Satanic genius got in store for Doctor Who series 9?

As shown in the season opener, The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar, the Doctor fears his own death, and so has created a 'Confession Dial' which when opened will reveal his greatest secret. A big fuss is made of it in these episodes, as he sends it to Missy (his best friend) rather than Clara, and makes a show of rescuing it from Davros.

More to the point - the Dial seems to be slowly opening! There are twelve segments, representing twelve episodes of the season (or perhaps twelve Doctors). What could be inside this dial though?
As always, the answer is in plain sight.

Wednesday, 12 August 2015

[Steven Universe] Garnet isn't really Garnet

Warning, major spoilers for Steven Universe if you're not up to date yet!

Garnet is one of the heroes of the television show Steven Universe. She's the coolest space rock about and a firm friend and protector of Steven... or is she? Can we really be sure that Garnet is actually Garnet?

No. No we can't.

Season one was littered with lots of clues that Garnet was actually a fusion, two beings combined into one. This was confirmed in the season one finale 'Jailbreak'. Season two looks to be following a similar trail of earth-shattering clues about Garnet, namely that Garnet was replaced by a spy at the end of season one. There is plenty of evidence to suggest this is the case:

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

[Warhammer 40k] The God Emperor of Mankind is an Ork

The 41st century is a pretty grim place, all said and told. The Imperium of Man is in a stagnant decline and beset by enemies on all sides. There are the shady Eldar, the even shadier Dark Eldar, and Ork hordes ravaging the spacelanes. Chaos Gods lurk in the warp, Tyrannid Hive Fleets threaten to devour the entire galaxy and all the tanks and spaceships are now made from plastic. Also an Ork sits upon the Golden Throne of Man.


...Or is it? The truth can never be heresey! The God Emperor of Man is in fact an Ork, raised to the highest level. The evidence for this is actually extremely compelling.

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

[Steven Universe] Pearl is secretly a diamond

Steven Universe is a show with many subtle secrets hidden within it. Fans have spent months picking through episodes and finding what appeared to be animation errors actually being subtle clues to upcoming episodes. One big theory is that one of the main characters isn't what they appear to be and is secretly a diamond.

There is actually a lot of convincing evidence as to why Pearl might in fact be White Diamond:
  • A pearl isn't actually a stone, it's the calcified organic byproduct of molluscs. As the Gems talk about Steven being unique due to his organic nature, Pearl can't be a pearl. The only explanation is that she is a different stone, disguised as a pearl.
  • Pearl's features resemble the hard lines of a diamond more than the soft curves of a pearl. Her hair tapers to a point. Her head can be seen as a diamond shape. Her nose is a diamond. If she puts her legs together and holds her hands together above her head, her body makes a perfect diamond. Can this possibly be coincidence?
  • Pearl never shapeshifts. Shapeshifting would reveal that she is in fact a diamond.
  • Pearl's spacesuit has a diamond on it, betraying her diamond nature.
  • In 'Maximum Capacity', Pearl's cardigan is covered in diamonds, teasing us as to her true form.
  • Pearl's spear is sharp, almost diamond-like!
  • Jasper realises that Pearl is not a real pearl, calling her a 'defective pearl'. But she is unable to realise Pearl's true nature as a diamond.
  • In 'Sworn to the Sword', Pearl sings about not being made to fight. No, she was made to rule, as a diamond.
  • Pearl is the master of lies. In 'So Many Birthdays' she declares her love of pie, and yet bare episodes later in 'Fusion Cuisine' she makes a fuss about how she hates to eat any food. What else is Pearl lying about?
  • Pearl seems very upset about Rose's death. This is strange. Perhaps Pearl is upset that she didn't get to kill Rose herself?
  • In 'Serious Steven', the characters enter a giant white diamond pyramid. Pearl is oddly reluctant to use her genius tactical nature to figure the pyramid out - could it be that she didn't want the other Gems to learn its secrets and deactivate it?

  • In 'The Return', Peridot's laser deliberately swerves to avoid Pearl when it's heading straight for her. Why could this be? Perhaps Pearl is Peridot's secret master?
  • Why does Pearl seem so interested in the Gem fragments in 'Secret Team'. Could she want to be using them for the same purpose as Peridot was in 'Keeping It Together'? 
So it's certainly probable that Pearl is actually White Diamond, not a pearl. But what does Pearl being a diamond mean to the show? Could she have disguised herself as Pearl in order to get closer to Rose, her true love? Or is there a more sinister reason?

Could Pearl have infiltrated Rose's resistance group for evil purposes? Could she have set Rose's group against Homeworld in an attempt to cause a civil war that she would be the final victor of?

Consider: Steven has been put in danger more times by Pearl, not by any other monsters or Gems. As he has the Rose Quartz gem, Steven is Pearl's biggest rival. This is why she attempts to blow him up in 'Space Race' and let him tumble to his doom in 'Rose's Scabbard'. In 'So Many Birthdays' on learning that Steven is dying as he is too depressed, Pearl instantly becomes a depressing clown in an attempt to make him even sadder, stopped only when the other Gems explicitly accuse her of trying to murder Steven. Remember, the only evidence that Pearl actually cares about Steven's wellbeing is in 'Say Uncle', and that episode is 100% non-canon.

Can it be any coincidence that Pearl attempted to flee Earth just as Lapis made it off-planet? Was Pearl planning on rejoining her Diamond Authority cronies for the final war on Earth?

[Game of Thrones] The Dornish Master Plan

As any Game of Thrones fan knows, Doran Martell is a pretty clever man. He has been expertly manipulating events in the books to ensure the dominance of Dorne. Many characters and settings have changed for the show though, leaving fans confused as to what Doran's endgame is. Clearly his master plan will be as equally genius, but what is it?

In the books, Doran has another son, Quentyn. Doran sends him to marry Dany but in reality he is a disposable pawn being sent on a fool's errand. Quentyn bumbles about for a book achieving nothing with no hand to play before getting roasted alive by a dragon. This causes Dorne to turn against Dany, allowing Doran to ally himself with fAegon, a claimant to the throne.

Of course, in the television show there is no Quentyn, and no fAegon. Or is there? Some of these characters may have been standing right there in front of our noses this whole time.

His son Trystane is also his son. Why does Doran, a master strategist, let him go on a boat with Jaime onto to also have Myrcella killed? This gives Trystane as a hostage to the Lannisters who will surely kill him. Unless of course, Trystane is the show's version of Quentyn, a disposable son-pawn for Doran to discard.

Who then is fAegon? Could the Dorne plot have had a secret meaning after all in introducing this vital character to Westeros?

Yes. Doran has met with fAegon in secret, pledging to help the Targaryan take the throne. Like the books, he plans to have one of his daughters marry fAegon. But who is fAegon?
That's right. Bronn. Bronn has a mysterious past, and could easily be a secret Targaryan prince. His mission to Dorne made no sense unless it was to secretly treat with Doran. Doran's daughters are madly in love with his princely charms and cured him of a deadly poison. With Trystane a hostage and/or dead, the Lannisters will think they have Doran where they want him, not realising that they are indeed dancing to the tune of the mastermind Doran and his prince, Bronn.

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

[House of Cards] Frank Underwood is a patient and the White House is a mental hospital

Theory submitted by James Watson

Frank Underwood is delusional and is locked in a mental hospital. He is occasionally moved but is sent back to the hospital. Claire is also a patient that eventually recovers. Frank's psychosis gets worse as the series progresses, starting with his initial incarceration in season 1 and progressing to a worse (and now famous) state by the end of season 3. In season 1 Frank, after being locked away, attempts a break out with Zoe and others but this fails.
  • Frank frequently talks to the audience. This could be either a sign of schizophrenia or he may be explaining to a physiatrist how he sees his delusions.
  • Frank and Claire smoke secretively together. This could be because the hospital doesn’t allow smoking and they try to avoid detection.
  • Raymond Tusk is a doctor trying to help another patient, Garret Walker (‘the president’). Frank tries to drag Garret back into his delusions and thus comes into conflict with Tusk.
  • The Russian president, Viktor Petrov, is a doctor from another hospital. He initially meets Frank and Claire in their hospital (‘the White House’) and then they are briefly sent to his own hospital (‘Russia’ and later ‘the Middle East’). Viktor takes a liking to Claire as shown in their flirtatious interactions and he eventually helps cure her, resulting in Frank and Clair arguing when they leave ‘Russia’. Michael Corrigan is a patient in ‘Russia’ who is also partly delusional, being treated by Petrov. He kills himself as a result of his delusions which Claire is a witness to.
  • Claire is a patient that is Frank’s wife. She partakes in his delusions but in the 3rd season as he gets worse, she gets better. Clair is helped a lot after their visit to ‘Russia’. At the end of the 3rd season she finally leaves Frank after realising that his delusions are unhealthy to participate in.
  • Edward Meechum is a patient that is in the same ward as Frank and Claire; he is delusional and suffering PTSD after serving in the marines. He develops a devotion to Frank and Claire.
  • Doug Stamper is a recovering alcoholic and also a delusional patient. He suffers split-personality disorder and rotates between being in the hospital and living outside. When he is inside he believes that he is working for the Underwoods, but when he’s outside his persona of working for the Underwoods kicks in resulting in him imagining going on missions for them. These malfunctions in personality when he’s outside resulted in his brain damage from the attack by ‘Rachel’ and the murder of ‘Rachel’ among others. ‘Rachel Posner’ is a delusion created by his alternate personality that he is determined to find, the reason ‘Rachel’ moves around a lot is because he manifests her in different women of the same description.
  • Zoe Barnes is a nurse at the hospital who initially is convinced by Frank to help him escape. Frank often imagines having sex with her. After she realises the extent of his delusions she attempts to undo her help which results in Frank murdering her.
  • Peter Russo is also a recovering alcoholic like Doug. He is a patient that Frank initially includes in his escape plan but after he becomes difficult to work with, frank kills him.
  • Gaffney is actually the town where Frank is from. He occasionally visits there when he shows signs of improvement but is always sent back after bad relapses, such as when he publicly urinates in the first episode of season 3.
  • Tom Yates, a university phycology lecturer, decides to write a book about Frank as Frank's psychosis has now become worse and is now a famous psychology case. He interviews Frank  and others to gain an insight into what started Frank's delusions and why he believes himself to be the president. Frank believes this book to be about his ‘America Works’ program.
  • Frank's friends from his time at the Sentinel visit him in season 1 and realise that he is completely insane. Frank calls one of them when the book is being written but they try to avoid him.
  • All the other characters in the show are either made up delusions by Frank, other patients that share his psychosis (like Remy, Seth and Jackie Sharp), or people that work in the hospital.
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